How do you know that you are depressed? and how do you see that someone else is depressed so that you can help if you can: Depression shows up in many ways, you would mostly isolate yourself and tend to live alone. Or you would neglect yourself and could go for many days without bathing, and you would most likely loose interest in many activities that you were interested in before and sadly others who are depressed ends up killing themselves because they feel like there is no need to live anymore.
This is how I felt at some point in my life, life was not going according to plan, all my friends were becoming successful, they had nice cars, they lived in nice places and they seemed to be happy but my life was the opposite. I just could not get my life in order; my life was falling apart. I was approaching 30 years without any glimpse of hope and I thought I have already failed.
I was contemplating suicide at some point but I didn’t have the courage to do so
“Thanks God”. I was wishing that the world would just open up just like an earthquake and swallow me whole and get it over with. I could not take the suffering anymore.
I have tried many forms of escape from my struggles but they did not work long term, I used drugs for the temporary relieve from my emotional pain but as soon as the “HIGH” from the drugs wears off the emotional and physical pain from the withdrawals was getting worse.
I have used medication such as anti-depressants and they worked, unfortunately the most effective ones were too expensive for me and they also had their own side effects to deal with, for me this route was unsustainable since I was earning very little and could not afford the constant doctors consultation fees and costs of medication from month to month. From this my depression about money became worse. The constant worry about money became a habit, constantly thinking about poverty and didn’t know how I will get out of this; all of this made my depression worse and worse.
But how is this depression formed? I wondered, am I born to suffer? Why does it seem to be me alone going through this and what is the purpose of life and why was I born in the first place if I am here to suffer. Little did I know that asking myself these questions was the beginning of my awareness of the suffering that I was inflicting to myself.
I came across meditation on YouTube and I was instantly interested. Without meditation there was no way I could be able to answer these questions I had about myself and about my life.
I found a meditation place in 2015 Meditation in Pretoria South Africa that is mainly about discarding in my mind. I joined and started meditating diligently. In my journey of meditation, I came to realize that my mind constantly generates many thoughts throughout the day, I started to become aware of the thoughts I think, some of the thoughts were pleasant and contains memories of the good times I had in the past, unfortunately some of the thoughts I had were distractive and were contributing towards my depression.
I became aware of the thoughts I continuously thought such as ‘’ I am worthless’’, ‘’life is difficult’’, ‘’I will never make it in life’’ and so on. many of the thoughts I had about my self were definitely contributing towards the way I felt about myself, they contributed towards my low self esteem and lack of confidence, I could not think positive about anything and I constantly felt inferior and envied people who had more than me. Through meditation I became aware that I was my own worst enemy, with all those thoughts that I had there was no way I could have created anything positive in my life, I was doomed to failure.
As I observed those thoughts come and go non-judgmentally one by one, they began to become less important and I did not take them seriously and they lost their ability to torment me and I began to be free from them. My depression sort of disappeared as if it never existed. My mind expanded a little bit, bit by bit and I could be able to solve some of the challenges I had in my life. As of today, I can be able to let go of even the most difficult emotions I have without any emotional turmoil THANKS TO MEDITATION.
I hope this can be helpful and help you towards Depression free Life. Thank you.
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