I lost 80lbs, then built a bit more muscle so am now 70lbs less than I used to be.
I'd been heavy most of my life, and tend to really appreciate less attention so I found it shocking, after my weightloss, how much nicer people were and how much I got noticed.
Subway ride before I lost the weight: no seats available, and no one willing to move their purse or bag to make one available.
Subway ride after weight loss: guys going out of their way to move their bag to make a space next to them.
Walk down the street and around the city before weightloss: I could seem to dissapear in a crowd and I generally had a really peaceful walk. It was quiet. Contemplative. Everyone generally left me alone.
Walk down the street after weightloss: People bothering to talk to me at crosswalks. People making eye contact or getting riduculously close to me to the point where it was just odd.
Bus ride before weightloss: people sat a decent distance away, and ignored me. It was lovely.
Bus ride after weightloss: empty seats everywhere but both men AND women sit in the seat right in front of me, right behind me, directly across from me, or next to me.
At a store checking out before weightloss: I got rung up and got out without any convo.
At a store at checkout after weightloss: People at the checkout are talkative and friendly. Guys and women. They smile more and ask me questions, or share part of their life story. Guy takes his time with my checkout. Offers up advice or helpful info. Makes me laugh.
Convo before weightloss: I got noticed when I said something interesting then people who listened would actually register WHAT I said and have critical and thoughtful replies.
Convo after weightloss: People generally agree with me. When I’m trying to be more intellectual I get more amenable yet less thoughtful responses.
Before weightloss: I was offered help or aid based on my good character, and evenso not offered much of any aid or help. If I wasn't supposed to have a hand up based on the rules, there was none. I knew not to ask for favors.
After weightloss: People randomly offered me rides, or their seat, or to go ahead of them in line, or to help me with carrying something, or invited me to parties even though they didn't know me.
Before weightloss: When I said I wasn't interested in someone they didn't push it most of the time. They just let it go. I didn't get approached often, so it wasn't a concern. I could ‘hint' I wasn't game and the game was over. I could be friendly and it wasn't seen as flirting.
After weightloss: People can be really persistent even when I'm not interested. They'll keep pursuing even after I say no. Something as small as a “Hello, how are you?” is treated like a possible opening for romance.
Before weightloss: most women seemed comfortable to have me around even when they were with their boyfriends. It was easeful and smooth, and there was no jealousy. Women relaxed more around me, and there was no sense of competition.
After weightloss: Many women don't want me alone around their boyfriend. When they're around me they seem to care a lot more what I think by either competing or agreeing with it, instead of about comfortable self expression.
Before weightloss: You have a pretty face.
After weightloss: You're BEAUTIFUL. You're a Goddess. You're CUTE. This all still not wearing makeup most of the time. I just don't.
Before weightloss at the beach: I played in the sand, I swam, I comfortably enjoyed the sun without being talked to or checked out. I had plenty of space around me.
After weightloss at the beach, wearing a cami and capri yoga pants (fully clothed) doing yoga on my beach towel: lifeguard watching me as much or more than he's watching the water. Stands up to do pullups while watching me. Random good looking guy comes down the beach and sets his beach towel up right next to mine… watches me do yoga like he has a front row seat to the sunset. Other lifeguard riding by on his golf cart type vehicle, takes a second take and stands up taller and looks really happy all of a sudden while looking at me. Lifeguard on vehicle decides to circle back around and come visit his buddy on the lifeguard chair… both of them look at me A LOT. I'm sweaty, a bit sandy, no makeup, and fully clothed. I still get more attention than ever before.
I actually have to worry about people's underlying motives more now.
After weightloss I had to learn how to get used to the feeling of being noticed.
After weightloss I actually make a point to NOT take extra help because now it seems to come with strings attached. I politely refuse rides, extra help, the seat someone freed for me, all of it. It feels fake to me because that never happened when I was larger, so I don't want it.
After weightloss I realized how much I liked and missed being able to dissapear in a crowd.
I'm not even a 10. I'm like a mid to high 7 out of 10. I’m muscular but curvy and soft, compact, fit but on the larger side of average. I have strong feminine AND strong masculine features including a long nose, high forehead, strong chin, and large arms. My “energy” probably raises that 7 a bit, because people say I have really nice energy. However, I was just _really_ surprised at how different people are after my weightloss.
I have a couple friends who are much more traditionally (in alignment with present day cultural norms) attractive, and I’ve seen it's even worse. One gets unwanted attention, weird offers, guys not taking “no” for an answer. Another friend got a random gift of a huge TV from a guy wanting her to even NOTICE him, and she and I couldn’t even go to a cafe without some guy trying to approach her and sometimes a guy would get aggressive or pushy when she said she wasn't interested. She returned the tv, btw. She was often frustrated guys didn't seem to respect her disinterest and just leave her alone. Many men were just aggressive with her, and always commenting how she looked good and being pushy for her attention.
I had no idea what it was like for thin to normal sized women in my culture before I lost weight. It’s practically a different world.
So yes, life is different.
0 Comments:
Post a Comment